Speech

Tonight I am giving a speech at a rehab center in front of 50 recovering addict/alcoholics/anorexics, etc, and their family and friends. The title of the speech tonight is "Bottoming Out: How to Recover from the Lowest Point." I was invited not only because of my personal experience with addiction, but also with my volunteerism with the center. Bottoming out is a term used for people who have gotten to the lowest points of their addiction where they usually have no facilities to handle their addiction, or are suicidal. Here is a rough version of it:

"Thank you for inviting me tonight. I have been invited by (N/A) and (N/A) to talk to a room full of people who love each other and want to make the steps towards recovery and overcoming self-infliction to create a better tomorrow. I first became aware and involved in the center around the age of 17 when I fell in love with someone being treated here. He was 19 and scared to death of the recovery process. We first met when I was 15, when he was already down that path. He and I hung out with the token burn outs and jr. junkies that populate every high school. Not very close, I began dating a friend of his who would become addicted to PCP and methamphetamines.

"He and I became closer when I came to school with a bruise on my neck. I have never had a hickey, and it covered the back of my neck. His stepsister, who he was closer to than any of his family members, shared an art class with me and saw the bruise when my hair fell. She told him and he passed a note to me saying "Need to talk." We skipped class for the rest of the afternoon, went to the park, got high on spray paint and swung on the swings. I do not advocate for any of these behaviors, but it was probably the most fun I have ever had. He and I talked for hours. We fell in love.

"A month later my boyfriend broke up with me and the summer was dedicated to me and him. We got high everyday, and went to Trade Street to give money to prostitutes, one of which we knew. Why I am telling you this story is because we were both junior junkies on a similar path but somewhere we diverged. One night we both tried heroin. I woke up with a needle in my arm and he asked someone where the best dealer was.

"That was the beginning of the end. For the next five years it was a back and forth of recovery and hitting rock bottom. Fortunately, I did not get addicted to any of the substances we used. There were times we talked, when he left rehab and was on the up and up, we didn't talk anymore when he became addicted again and I told him to never to speak to e again. He killed himself that night with a lethal dose of heroin and a noose.

"To this day I wonder what would have happened. If my friend instead of taking himself out of the equation, solved it. If he could have realized how much me and his sister loved him. How much he made me laugh with his silly poems, how we would play on the playground at three am wondering if the sun was ever going to rise. When I cried or had nothing else to do, I could always call him. My mom nearly died from a colon infection a few years ago and he was the only person other than my father and brother to visit her at the hospital.

"He loved deeply and fully and I want to tell you that when you leave here, you may hit rock bottom for the first time or again. Remember that there is someone like me, or his stepsister that will love you no matter what. That when we reject you that does not mean we no longer love you. I love him till this day even though when he was, he said things that made no sense and hated when he didn't really mean to. We reject you, because hopefully the person we fell in love with will come back.

"I will never get him back. His ashes on my bookshelf are a daily testament to his passing and struggle. He died when he was 23. I rejected him because I wanted him to live till 80, so when you think all is lost, there are places like (N/A), who will love you as unconditionally as me. Some of you may say I do not have as much to lose as the person next to me or vice versa. All of you have something to lose, so when you hit rock bottom the only way you can go is up because there will be someone there to help you.

"My name is Gillian and thank you for letting me come and tell my story."