Will has been showing up in my dreams, and I hate it because I always wake up so mad at him for things he didn't do. In one dream, I ran across him in Minneapolis and he said that he'd never read my letter because he didn't feel like it was important for him. (I think all of you know this, but I a wrote him a letter like a month after we broke that was basically explaining that I was really unhappy with things in our relationship.) He said there was no incentive for him to read the letter since we weren't together anymore and I was so mad at him.
Then, last night I dreamed that he showed up at Perkins with a new girlfriend. She was this mousey, unremarkable thing with glasses and black hair who didn't talk a whole lot. He met her because she worked at some fast food place he frequented. (It's kind of funny that in my nightmare Will pretty much gets together with a boring Milio's girl.) And he said he liked her better. Then he said something that really disturbed me. He said that I love people too much and that it suffocates them.
THEN I had a terrible non-Will related dream which included me getting captured and tortured by this terrorist who was sending an ultimatum via TV to the city. He left me alone in this abandoned parking garage structure and Emily and Paul showed up and didn't believe I'd been tortured. They only changed their mind when I pulled out my arm and realized he sewed this tracking device under my skin in the crook of my elbow. I was terrible and when I woke up I kept checking my arm to see if it was there.
Clearly, SOMETHING about my sleep schedule needs to change. I don't know why I keep having all these Will dreams. Especially since they really started up since I felt like I've made my peace with that relationship. Damnit brain, knock it off!
Oh, baby, call me if you want to talk. Or I can call you when I get off work. But if you need to call now, go ahead!
ReplyDeleteDreams can be so unsettling. I'm sorry they're about Will.
I told you Will was some sort of fucked up hoodoo witch doctor, but no you were like "Gill that's crazy. People cannot invade dreams."
ReplyDeleteAlso, I didn't know you wrote a letter to Will about your relationship, but I may have forgotten. I'm going to call you after work, before Allya and you're going to like me better.
(huggles)
Oh yeah, Cylon? Well your plan has backfired because I'm not busy doing anything interny right now. I'm writing some more Chronicles, and if Cerasi wanted to talk RIGHT NOW I could.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, I don't think Will is a hoodoo witch doctor. He is not that interesting. He however IS paying one to invade your dreams. He knows he can't do better and his solution is hoodoo. So he's still fucked up.
-hugs- You know, sweetie, I think it's not because you've made peace with your relationship with Will, but because the relationship is always 2-way, and since it wasn't, and you don't know his reaction, it's not exactly finished business. You can let him know how you feel, but ultimately, you're the type of person who wants to know how others feel as well, even if it's a jerkbagdouchepants who doesn't really deserve the time of day, but from the dreams you've had about him, I'd say that it was because you don't know how he feels on those fronts.
ReplyDeleteAnd let me just say, YOU, my love, love people, but it's not love that suffocates people. It's those people who rejects love that suffocate themselves. So he can go choke on his own philosophical bullshit ego. It's the only thing he's successful at anyway.
And wow, that terrorist/torture dream sounds intense. Let's fix that crazy sleep schedule of yours. Maybe it'll be better for your dreams. o_O
I'm doing okay, I really am. Sorry to freak everyone out like that. They were just really vivid dreams and I wrote this after I got up. I love how you guys respond so quickly for this stuff. Like when I asked for fanfiction and BOOM there was all kinds of fanfiction on the blog the next day. You guys rule. <3 <3 <3
ReplyDelete@Allya- I'm sorry he's in my dreams too. I would much rather dream about Alexander Skarsgard. Maybe I should start watching True Blood before I go to bed. (Will isn't interesting enough to practice hodoo, btw.)
@Cylon- I'm sorry, I'll never doubt you when you accuse people in my life of being hodoo witch doctors again. You know best.
@Ada- I think you've got it right on the nose. I will always wonder what he thinks about me. And there's a part of me that doesn't him to hate me. Even though I know that it doesn't matter what he thinks of me because I don't need that in my life anymore.
But thanks. I appreciate it. <3
That's because we secretly have fanfiction, but we just need a nudge from someone to post it on POW. LOL. That's what it's like with me, anyway. Whoot.
ReplyDeleteI think about stuff like that all of the time, like, I almost really want to sit down with Ian have a really good talk with him. I don't need that in my life right now, but in a way, when you want closure, you need every bit of closure. I think it's just going to take time. That's okay too. Everyone goes through that. You just have super vivid dreams. lol <3