End of childhood

First (semi) Nonfiction essay:

Yesterday was the midnight premiere of the last Harry Potter film as you all know. Practically everyone I am friends with went to the midnight premiere/already have tickets to the film. You all know my personal opinion on Harry Potter and how little I know of this phenomenon. What you guys really don't know is my probable reasoning for not getting into the Harry Potter culture. Here is my story of the avoidance of Harry Potter.

Around the time Harry Potter was first becoming popular I had a terrible learning disability, which I still struggle with, making it hard enough to get through my homework, my vacations in New York usually consisted of me and my cousin running around the city and window shopping, and my own experience with the ridiculousity of fan culture. Harry Potter was way at the back of my brain at that point until I got to college. Yes, my father being the nerd he is read all the books and watched the movies sometimes even dragging my brother to book releases. It was annoying and already had to suffer through Star Wars conventions as Princess Leia. In college I started meeting people who were avid readers and obsessed with Harry Potter. Their obsession left me feeling odd and sort of guilty.

People would literally berate me for not reading Harry Potter to a point that I cried once in front of Becca and had to admit my learning disability and home life. After that point I was so turned off to the franchise that I locked it out. One time I was having a conversation with some friends and they were going on and on about HP. They asked why I wasn't talking and I said "I've never read Harry Potter and I don't care to." So many people were so cruel about it that at that point I just stopped caring and went along with my own interests. The crushing 'guilt' of being left out of a cultural milestone now eludes me.

So what did I replace Harry Potter with? Cinema, comic books/graphic novels, cooking, writing, but really do I need a replacement for Harry Potter? Simply because it was not in my life do I really need to search out things to replace a gap that does not really exist? No I do not because I did not initially reject HP because of its pervasive fanaticism, but because I could not even read its text, because completing simple reading assignments would take me hours. Extra reading was hard, so I was put into classes with other people with learning disabilities. Many of the books you read when you were younger like The Secret Garden, Diary of a Lost Girl and others I have only just read in the past few years. That gap never existed in the first place because I had other things to worry about.

Since I did not have the heart full of HP, the end of the film series affects me in no way. I am not crying, loathing the end of some great entity in my life. I fell asleep at midnight and woke up this morning to go to work. My world fortunately enough did not end. Something I did notice was the amount of Facebook statuses declaring the end of their childhoods. I was confused, because isn't the traditional end of childhood like 16-18? This made me begin to wonder when did my childhood end?

I think the descent began when I figured out my dolls did not come to life after I closed the door. I did something my parents called the 'door game.' This is when I opened and closed the door for no apparent reason, but this is the only instant where I remember my intent in frequently opening and closing the door. I would slowly close the door, then peel it open hoping to catch them talking, or beginning a great adventure. Did I mention this was around the time of Toy Story? After a small amount of time I figured out that all the factorials were there: toys, magic existed, and the door was closing. Awhile later it became clear they weren't coming alive. My inanimate objects were never going to hug me closer when I held them at night, because they had no autonomy.

After I figured that out I donated many of my stuff animals to homeless shelters and goodwill in order for other kids to believe in their powers. Puberty, life experiences and college really added on the maturity which pushed what little childhood I had left away. At the end of Toy Story 3 there is this scene where Andy is showing a little girl his dolls. He gallops with Woody and Bullseye, tells her about Buzz Lightyear's space travels, he had the same believability I had when I believed my dolls were having the same adventures. My childhood did not end at that point. It probably ended so fast I didn't even notice. At that moment I realized that somewhere along the way I was no longer a child. Believing in the probability of inanimate objects being autonomous was my childhood. I wanted to have conversations with my bunnies and tell them about my day.

Maybe that's the reason why I write, because I want to capture the personal feelings I have that I used to tell my stuffed animals. I do like the ideas of great adventures and for the impossible to happen. Honestly I will probably never read a Harry Potter even though it looks interesting. Seems like most people captured it in their childhood and identify it with that. If I read it now what will it define? It will be forced and hate being forced to read because it always ruin the experience for me.

So, I will never read Harry Potter and I'm alright with that.