Linked While Torn

I finally finished is today!  This is a continuation of the series of poems I started with Beautifully Broken.  Like that one, this is another 3-part sonnet.  And again, Blogger is being poopy about formatting.  Imagine the "Torn to Pieces" section is flush on the left side.  And that there is only one line of space between the title and the body.



Linked while Being     Torn to Pieces


Beauty cannot              triumph always 
stay untarnished          be whole and gold
forever, yet we              travel this road
together as                    the steady stays
masts and ropes           until it hazes
-crack- will be torn      where this now old
break burns my            eye, glazes, folds
soul, so charring          shuts out the blaze
becomes scarring         that spreads without
and now I lose             control and when
what I wanted             extinguished, what
was always mine          dissolves, the clout
it's no longer                carried within
mine -never was-         never could be.

Watching "Dead Like Me" and

I know Ada, won't really care about this, but I was watching Dead Like Me for the upteenth time, and I just noticed that the goth girl that Mason hooks up with here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzILUvTXn-A&feature=related  (start at 6:20)

is actually Kaylee from Firefly.  Hilarious.  I only noticed because of her voice!

Also, I just love Dead Like Me.

Belonging

I'm gonna say it:  I don't feel like there's a place I belong anymore.

I've talked to Cerasi and Cylon about this a bit, and I think it's because I don't have any real friends here to hang out with.  Since K fell off the face of the earth, or whatever, I haven't really hung out with anyone.  I've gone to the monthly Young Republican meetings and Happy Hours, but most of them are 30 and have their own circle of friends.

I had my first day at my new internship yesterday (which seems like it will be a LOT better, they're all really nice), and when one of the ladies who worked there asked me what I was doing this weekend, what was I going to do for Halloween?  I didn't have an answer.  For the first time, I didn't have plans for Halloween.  I thought I might be babysitting this Saturday, but my little cousins have something else to do.

I've always had a small, close circle of friends.  (As opposed to my social butterfly of a little brother.)  As I've moved from school to school, Memphis to St. Louis, this trend has continued.  But each time I moved I got a different group, and kinda left the old one behind.  I was terrible about keeping in touch.

This never really bothered me, until I realized as I come back to STL that I don't have anyone left here that I'm really close to.  I tried to get together with a friend from high school over the summer.  After she canceled three times in a row I gave up.  As high school was wrapping up, a different friend stopped calling.  Another hs friend facebooked me a couple times freshman year in college just to ask a question about what book I used during our calculus class together, so she could get it for her sister.

I wonder if it's me.

And then I wonder how I can find a new group of friends here.  How do you make friends after you're done with school?  I'm realizing it's so effing hard.

I have other stuff going on, and that's kind of fulfilling (starting a business, interning) but since I can't hang out with you guys, I don't seem to have anyone else to.  And it's proving really challenging to change that.

Maybe I'll try to find some writing buddies here, too, since that common interest lead to some lovely friendships.  <3

Anyway, sorry this was a downer of a post.  Love and miss you all!  

If the Disney princesses were real...

Saw this on Yahoo and thought of you guys!  Some graphic design student created what the Disney characters might actually look like if they were real.

Jasmine

Sleeping Beauty

Pocahontas

Belle

Esmeralda

Ariel

Ursula

Megara (Hercules)

Mulan

So basically if these Disney ladies were real, they'd be super hot.

And if you want to see Jirka's other stuff here's her blog.  She's got some neat work.

WIP: Does she know what a kiss means?

Character study:

When I come home she is waiting for me. She jumps on me as if I was gone for a millenia. I pick her up so she may kiss my nose, then struggle to leave my arms. Even putting down my purse is an event worth more jumping adoration. I make coos and congratulate her for being excited for me.

She is practically my child. Her mats of cottony fur, her wet little nose, the way her body is a few inches from the ground, her constantly inquisitive gestures, how she loves me for no reason. My two favorite things, though, are when we play with her toys and she barks at me for delaying the launch; and, when she sleeps next to me combusting a heat synonymous with a baby blanket. The best is when my hand on top of her ignites the same heat.

What scares me more than anything in the world is that one day she will be gone. One day this thirteen pound monster that has the protective tenacity to nearly bite a cop for getting near me will no longer be waiting for me. One day this dog who used to only kiss me on rare occasions will not jump all over me as I enter the door. One day this dog who is my shadow will no longer have the strength to jump into my arms.

One day she will only be a memory.

On February 15th 2002, we found her. She had ring worm and dark spots covering her. We had to wash our hands after we touched her. Thunderstorms meant to me letting her free of her crate and letting her sleep next to me as I watched TV. Her favorite thing in the world was belly rubs.

She slept next to me last night leaving a wet stain behind. Her physician said she was 'just getting old.' Apparently her back legs aren't very good either. She used to do tricks and stand on her hind legs for treats. I'm too scared that one day this will make her feeble so I have stopped doing it. In January she will be ten, but she is still so young to me.

She was my first dog, real responsibility, I ever had. She was adopted the week before my Bat Mitzvah, which religiously made me a woman. As an adult, I must take care of my child and ensure it love, love and more love.

I have treated this 'pet' as a child and now I am realizing all that love will soon kill me.

What will I do if she is gone?

Does she know what a kiss means?

It is preposterous to think a pressured random assault on her fur would trigger a romantic reaction. She usually just ignores the attack. When I kiss her face, she twists her head for she is resilient to mouth kisses. Her indifference never bothered me before.

Today I kissed her head and she kissed me back.

I just felt like doing it and she kissed my cheek in return.

I will think about tomorrow tomorrow, today will be thought of today.

Perennial Intern

I decided to try it again.  I interviewed the other day for an internship position at one of the places I interviewed at during May.  They wanted me to come intern with them then, but I chose that other place.

I emailed them last week, kind of on a whim, to see if they had any positions open.  And they did.  Anther internship.  I met with them yesterday, and the internship is marketing for the company itself, which is a small online marketing company.  I'd be oing website updates/ redesign, a direct mail campaign, and learning Google analytics, SEO, paid search, and social media.

This was right up my ally because I want to learn how to do some of that stuff for Snapdragon Designs.

I'm going in on Thursday and then beginning 9-4 on Monday.  They seem really nice.  And I'm excited to learn about this stuff.  And they said it could lead to a job.  My dad was worried because they are super small (3 people here and 1 in Portland) and their ability to grow enough to hire me on.  I'll still be job searching.  But now it doesn't have to be my absolute focus.

Anyway, we'll see how this goes.  I am excited, because I think this will be a better experience, but I'm still a little wary because of what happened before.  I'm glad I'm actually be doing something now, though.  

2 Weekends, 2 Craft Shows

The very first craft show I did for Snapdragon was not a resounding success.  I only sold four earrings.  And that was over 2 days.

I learned a lot though, and applied it to this past Saturday's show, which was a lot better.  There was a pretty good crowd until later in the afternoon.  I sold seven earrings and a necklace and gave away a lot of business cards.  

I have two more shows in two weekends and I'm hopeful about both.  I may sign up for a couple shows in December.

I haven't sold anything online yet, but I should get some more traffic from doing shows.  I'll keep you guys posted.