Character study:
When I come home she is waiting for me. She jumps on me as if I was gone for a millenia. I pick her up so she may kiss my nose, then struggle to leave my arms. Even putting down my purse is an event worth more jumping adoration. I make coos and congratulate her for being excited for me.
She is practically my child. Her mats of cottony fur, her wet little nose, the way her body is a few inches from the ground, her constantly inquisitive gestures, how she loves me for no reason. My two favorite things, though, are when we play with her toys and she barks at me for delaying the launch; and, when she sleeps next to me combusting a heat synonymous with a baby blanket. The best is when my hand on top of her ignites the same heat.
What scares me more than anything in the world is that one day she will be gone. One day this thirteen pound monster that has the protective tenacity to nearly bite a cop for getting near me will no longer be waiting for me. One day this dog who used to only kiss me on rare occasions will not jump all over me as I enter the door. One day this dog who is my shadow will no longer have the strength to jump into my arms.
One day she will only be a memory.
On February 15th 2002, we found her. She had ring worm and dark spots covering her. We had to wash our hands after we touched her. Thunderstorms meant to me letting her free of her crate and letting her sleep next to me as I watched TV. Her favorite thing in the world was belly rubs.
She slept next to me last night leaving a wet stain behind. Her physician said she was 'just getting old.' Apparently her back legs aren't very good either. She used to do tricks and stand on her hind legs for treats. I'm too scared that one day this will make her feeble so I have stopped doing it. In January she will be ten, but she is still so young to me.
She was my first dog, real responsibility, I ever had. She was adopted the week before my Bat Mitzvah, which religiously made me a woman. As an adult, I must take care of my child and ensure it love, love and more love.
I have treated this 'pet' as a child and now I am realizing all that love will soon kill me.
What will I do if she is gone?
Does she know what a kiss means?
It is preposterous to think a pressured random assault on her fur would trigger a romantic reaction. She usually just ignores the attack. When I kiss her face, she twists her head for she is resilient to mouth kisses. Her indifference never bothered me before.
Today I kissed her head and she kissed me back.
I just felt like doing it and she kissed my cheek in return.
I will think about tomorrow tomorrow, today will be thought of today.
Cylon, this is so sweet. I understand some of what you are going through since our dog Casey had to be put to sleep over a year ago. She was 13. When she was still alive I wondered some of the same things. I'm sorry you have to go through that now.
ReplyDeleteAs far as creative comments or revisions (assuming you want them, if not, please ignore) here goes: I love the first paragraph. I like how she is introduced, how there is some initial confusion on who you are talking about, a person or a dog? But then this 'confusion' makes sense, because of your love for her she's like a person. It's so sweet. And definitely reminds me of my bond to my cats.
Small addition in the third paragraph: commas before and after "who used to only kiss me on rare occasions"
The sixth paragraph (starting "She slept...) really resonates with me emotionally.
At the end of the 7th paragraph, ("and ensure it love...") you may want to switch 'it' with 'her'.
The end of the piece with wondering how a kiss would feel to a dog, and how that could incite romantic feelings was really lovely. And how she kisses you back is so adorable. You might want to end it on this note though, and not have the final line. I don't think you really need the last line, since the entire piece celebrates your relationship with your dog and how that relationship is limited by time.
Overall, it certainly hits me emotionally. I'm going to go hug my kitties now.
Lovely, lovely piece. There's obvious feeling in this piece and that's what makes it so beautiful to read. It's one of those bittersweet stories that we can all relate.
ReplyDeleteAs Allya mentioned, I feel like the last line is beautiful, but perhaps for a bit of a different story. The line you had before has a great impact--an even greater one if you stopped the story there.
I really don't want to say too much--perhaps a little later when the story isn't so fresh, especially since it's so close to you. Though, honestly, I can't say that I really have any other critiques.
It's lovely. Thank you for sharing.