Belonging

I'm gonna say it:  I don't feel like there's a place I belong anymore.

I've talked to Cerasi and Cylon about this a bit, and I think it's because I don't have any real friends here to hang out with.  Since K fell off the face of the earth, or whatever, I haven't really hung out with anyone.  I've gone to the monthly Young Republican meetings and Happy Hours, but most of them are 30 and have their own circle of friends.

I had my first day at my new internship yesterday (which seems like it will be a LOT better, they're all really nice), and when one of the ladies who worked there asked me what I was doing this weekend, what was I going to do for Halloween?  I didn't have an answer.  For the first time, I didn't have plans for Halloween.  I thought I might be babysitting this Saturday, but my little cousins have something else to do.

I've always had a small, close circle of friends.  (As opposed to my social butterfly of a little brother.)  As I've moved from school to school, Memphis to St. Louis, this trend has continued.  But each time I moved I got a different group, and kinda left the old one behind.  I was terrible about keeping in touch.

This never really bothered me, until I realized as I come back to STL that I don't have anyone left here that I'm really close to.  I tried to get together with a friend from high school over the summer.  After she canceled three times in a row I gave up.  As high school was wrapping up, a different friend stopped calling.  Another hs friend facebooked me a couple times freshman year in college just to ask a question about what book I used during our calculus class together, so she could get it for her sister.

I wonder if it's me.

And then I wonder how I can find a new group of friends here.  How do you make friends after you're done with school?  I'm realizing it's so effing hard.

I have other stuff going on, and that's kind of fulfilling (starting a business, interning) but since I can't hang out with you guys, I don't seem to have anyone else to.  And it's proving really challenging to change that.

Maybe I'll try to find some writing buddies here, too, since that common interest lead to some lovely friendships.  <3

Anyway, sorry this was a downer of a post.  Love and miss you all!