Bitter

I've been mad at my ex recently. It comes and goes in waves. One week, I'm fine about the breakup and the next I'll be murderously angry. Right now I'm on the tail end of being murderously angry, and to break off those bad feelings I thought I'd do this. Below is a list of things I would ever say to my ex if I saw him again to torture him.

Note, these are not below-the-belt emotional things. These are things related to pop culture and video games, etc. I would just tie him up in a chair and make him listen to me saying these things. He wouldn't be allowed to argue back. (There's the kicker.)

I don't really a lot of these things. All of them are to torture him. Here we go.

Ten Things I Could Say To Torture My Ex

1. Arnold Schwarzenegger is a terrible actor. Even for a B-movie, super dumb action star he is barely passable. The script of every single movie he is in with the exception of Terminator II is so badly written it cancels out any entertainment value one could possibly get from the action scenes.
2. Dave Mustaine was the least talented member of Metallica. He got kicked out because he was such a tool (a miracle, I must admit, given the general toolness of Metallica), and went on to form Megadeth, which is a much inferior band.
3. Rush is just not that good. Geddy Lee is not a good bassist, Neil Peart overcompensates his lack of drumming abilities with his ridiculously large drum kit, and the only audience for this band is emotionally retarded menboys who can't get over the 1980's.
4. While Christopher Noland is a good director with good comic timing, his female characters in every movie are flat and exist mostly to serve as a plot device. The same is true of many of the characters of James Cameron (especially in Avatar), and every other major director that you like.
5. No one cares about a band's bassist.
6. Scott Pilgrim and Hot Fuzz are both quaint, quirky comedies without a lot of depth that don't deserve a second thought.
7. Animation is an inferior art form, as is comedy.
8. Half-Life 2 is a better game than Mass Effect 2
9. Pop music is a fundamentally better genre than heavy metal.
10. You and your male friends like to get together and talk philosophy because you think it helps you understand the nature of the universe. Let me sum up the conclusion of every single philosophical conversation you will have from now until the end of your life. "We can't ever be sure about anything and it's entirely possibly that everything we know is wrong." You're welcome.