For the theme of this month, I've written some poems. There are unfortunately not that hard to figure out, but I thought I'd put 'em up anyway. And they are unrelated aside from being generated by the same prompt.
I am freedom
As I oscillate
can't you hear it ring?
I am honor
I am valor
I am respect
I am the first in any war
and the last
I am followed
but I lead
I unite
and inspire
hope
I fly
to show pride
or I rest
in tri-cornered boxes
to comfort
I am freedom
because
we are freedom.
I am a place you can visit
But I am also a place
you don't have to travel too far
to reach
I am nostalgia
and dreams
and promises
I am immature
But I can bring wisdom
and growth
I am magic
and hope
and surprise
I am fun
But I can be full of danger
and treachery
I am where you visited
as a child
and where you long
to return
I am never to far
Just second star to the right
and straight on 'til morning
Sorry this comment is so late!
ReplyDeleteSince neither of these poems are named I will refer to them as #1 and #2 (they aren't named write? I didn't miss that did I?)
Poem #1
I like the idea of freedom oscillating, it makes me think of one very long note. This poem flows very well and you use the "I _ but I _" formula really very in a way that moves the poem very fluidly.
Perhaps the most fascinating thing in this entire poem to me is the line about resting in tri-cornered boxes. I don't know that means (voting?), but it's an interesting.
The one suggestion I would make is that you use a lot of words that are commonly associated with freedom (honor, valor, hope). I like it best in the poem when you use words that are not as common like "comfort" and "respect." While I don't think you change the sentiment of "honor, valor, hope" are there different still powerful words that mean the same thing?
Okay. Poem #2
This is an interesting poem to pair with the first poem. I'm thinking when you publish your first chapbook (yes when and yes first) one poem is on one page and the second poem is on the other page. Then you'll open it and be like, "bam! contrast!" But that's neither here nor there.
The most interesting idea in this poem to me is "i am immature but I can bring wisdom" especially since when people talk about imagination or make believe (not that that's exactly what this poem is about, but it seems to be in that direction . . . childlike whimsy?)they usually talk about discarding it as childish. In the same way I like "i am fun but am full of danger" because, once again, it's something you don't normally associate with . . . the subject of the poem. (Poetry is hard to talk about because it's so abstract.)
I'd like to see a little more of the duality from the stanzas "I am fun but also dangerous" and "I am mature but I can bring wisdom" in the first, second and fourth stanzas of the poem.
The stanza that starts "I am nostalgia" is one where either I'd like to see more conflict or, as with poem #1, I'd like to see different words. Just because "nostalgia" "dreams" and "promises" tend to go together.
I love the ending of this poem. I feel like you do a fair amount of allusions in your poems and I am in favor.
Post more! Always more!