My parents and brother are out of town this weekend visiting various colleges, coincidentally including Madison. So this morning I had to take the dog out. I'm standing outside in the dewy yard only half covered in sunshine because the sun is still partly hiding behind the house. Bailey is screwing around sniffing things so I'm looking around my immediately visible neighborhood. Then a car pulls in the driveway across the street. My attention is piqued because I haven't seen this car or the driver in a month and a half.
It's K. And we haven't spoken for a month and a half because that's the last time I sent her a text (which she never replied to). I'm standing in my yard tethered to my crazy dog who is trying to find the best spot to pee, wondering if she sees me. If she's wondering what the hell happened as much as I am.
I was going to text her last night. But then Grey's Anatomy came on, I had some Smirnoff Ices and soon it would be time for bedy-bye. I thought that it was unlikely she'd text back anyway, especially if it was 9 pm. (For the record in normal situations, I would have called such a person, but whenever I would call her, she would text back. So I don't call anymore.) I thought, Oh, I'll just text her tomorrow.
And then this morning happened. Nothing huge. Except that while I'm standing outside in the wet grass watching Bailey take a leak, I notice some men coming out of the front door of her house. They are carrying a piece of furniture. They are loading it into the truck parked outside the cul-de-sac.
She's moving? Today?
This wasn't that big of a surprise. I knew her parents are getting a divorce. I knew her mom was moving to an apartment 15 minutes away. I knew K was moving with her. I knew all this but when I saw the men moving the stuff out I was enraged. I was sad. I was some bundle of incoherent emotions.
She's moving today?
She didn't tell me. She didn't text or call or walk the thirteen steps to my house to tell me she moving all of her shit out of her house today.
What?
When was I supposed to find out about this? When I finally decide that I want to make an effort for our friendship even if she won't? When I text to see if she wants to do something and she says 'Oh I'm at my mom's place. Can't.' ?
When did our friendship come to this? Should I even call it that anymore? Does our relationship warrant the use of that term anymore? What happened?
I don't know.
I know people grow apart. I know I've talked and complained about this situation to you guys and to my mom. I know it gets annoying. But I think if I can figure out what's wrong I can fix it, I can repair this whatever this is.
And then this morning I saw the moving truck. I saw her car pull into the driveway. But I didn't see her come over to talk to me. I didn't see an incoming text explaining that, oh yeah, she's moving out today. I didn't see anything. So I consoled myself with a tub of red velvet cake ice cream and Firefly reruns.
Maybe I shouldn't try to repair this.
But I'll probably text her. Finally. This afternoon, tonight. Asking if she wants to do anything. Really, asking something else entirely: do you still want to be my friend?
@Allya- I'm sorry. I can't even imagine how this feels for you. I hope you know that it's not your fault and you don't deserve this from a friend. She's got a lot of issues to work through.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve people that call you and talk to you and don't pull weird crap like this. I mean, I know she has problems, but you still deserve better. At some point you have to ask the question, not does K want to be my friend, but do I want to be K's?
I still love you anyhow. I hope this all works out soon.
Dearest Allya,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that this friendship between you and K seem to be at an end. (Or, at least, that's how I interpret it when a friend can't even tell me that she's moving.) Like Cerasi said, I think it's important that friendship is a two-way street. It shouldn't be one way. It's one thing if everyone's busy--but at least the emotions are there. At least we think about each other and support each other and ask each other once in a while "How are you? Let's chat!" because it's important in any relationship (platonic/romantic) to think about each other and care about each other.
Right now, the friendship isn't what it used to be. At least what I knew of. I think it's valid that you want to ask her about your friendship, but what sort of answer are you looking for? Will you be okay with the possible answers? Is there some sort of closure you want?
You know we love you. Do what you think is best for you. We'll be here. :)
Well, that's that. You need to stop worrying about her and focus on yourself. Also, WHO IS TOO LAZY TO GO ACROSS THE STREET?
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