Two days ago my brother turned 18.
Two days ago he became an adult.
Two days ago one of my brother's classmates killed himself.
My brother was not super close with him. But he knew him well enough. Knew enough to know that there were no signs. No warning signs anybody caught. No one knew.
Two nights ago my brother called my mom. I was watching a late night King of Queens rerun with my mom; she answered the phone, and I knew something was wrong. I put the tv on mute. At first I thought it was an accident. One of his friends had been in a car accident? My mom's voice was chilling. "I want you home."
My brother, instead of celebrating his birthday at his friend's house, was at a candlelight vigil at his school.
"I love you." My mom's voice cracks with tears.
She gets off the phone and tells me. I don't have anything to say. No advice or comfort or knowledge of how to really deal with this. Is there anything you can say? My mom keeps saying to me "I don't know what could be that bad."
I don't either. But I realized that more than one close friend of mine has said, after the fact, that they had once been in a place where they considered suicide. That's all I could think about for the rest of the night.
I watched Dead Like Me in my bed before sleeping. The one where George has a very important reap and her grandmother comes so her mother and sister can mourn properly. Candlelight vigils. Some deaths do get a candlelight vigil. Especially untimely ones.
We have no idea how many lives we can touch. That's what kept running through my mind. I had never met this kid. I probably never would have. But my brother knew him. My brother sat next to him last week during mass. My brother had classes with him. And now the shockwaves of his death reverberate through the people who knew him, and all the people that know them. We have no idea how many lives we affect.
After the many goodbyes we've had this year, I'm sure you all know, but in case you need reminding, knowing you has profoundly affected my life for the better. I love you all dearly. <3
I'm sorry I posted my short story when this was happening to your brother and your family. I'm also very sorry that his 18th birthday was less of a celebration.
ReplyDeleteKeeping your family in my thoughts.
Don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for thinking of us.
This made me tear up a little. In public no less.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully worded and a wonderful sentiment. I agree wholeheartedly. I'm so happy I had a chance to meet all of you.
I less than three you too. :)
And my thoughts are with your brother and your family as well. I wanted to say that in my first post, but Blogger decided that I was done writing and went ahead and posted for me.
ReplyDeleteI hope he's doing okay.