Most Things Are Looking Up

I wanted to title this post Everything Most Things Are Looking Up, but blogger doesn't let you do strikethroughs in titles (or maybe it does and I couldn't figure it out, didn't I do that in an earlier post).

Whatever, moving on!

Things are good. I'm getting used to the 40 hours a week thing and this job feels doable. I looked at an apartment. My parents saw it and weren't crazy about the neighborhood, but honestly, I think I might go for it.

It's a block away from the library and bus station which is the "sketchy" part of where I live, but also I would be living with two other woman (one being my elderly land lady who lives by herself), and the city where I live is pretty safe in general. I think my parents are overreacting. I'm going to dry by at night and see what the neighborhood's like. I really want to move like yesterday.

My computer was broke and now it's back (yay). My debit card got lost, I cancelled it, found it, and then got my new one. (Yay!) Work brings me down somedays because NO ONE TALKS TO EACH OTHER SOMETIMES, but it's been feeling better.

Everything is fine. Great in fact . . . except . . .

Fucking love life. Fucking romance. I should probably take a love life vacation since I've got other shit to figure out. And I would, except for two things.

1. Mr B. from my last article never texted me back which makes me feel annoyed and angry and pissed at him. Can we say the word "flakey." Whatever, over it.
2. I found out recently that T facebook chatted with one of my friends during that week he was deciding to call things off with me. She asked him if we were still hanging out and he said, "ish." Prick. Whatever, over it.
3. L. The guy I work with. Oh L.

At work yesterday everybody left early because it was Friday and no one gives a shit. So it was just me and L. During that time L told me lots and LOTS about his ex.

He wasn't really oversharing because I encouraged it (because I'm nosy as fuck). I won't get too into it because I don't want to violate his privacy, but here are the basics so you understand the situation.

1. He and his ex went out for six years.
2. He and his ex broke up in April.
3. He's currently dating another girl he met online and feeling nervous about it.

To which I responded, you're feeling nervous? No shit! You were dating someone for six years and just broke up! Jesus.

None of this would be a problem except that my wounded, crippled little heart seeks out guys like this in a Venus Flytrap-like manner.

I'm about to say something that's going to make me sound all bitchy and shitty, but goddamnit, when am I going to stop accepting strays into my heart? They never give back what they take.

I talked about this to my friend M who told me to stay away from him. He's a nice guy, but he has questionable judgment. Not to mention some pretty open wounds.

Also, another guy from work? Jesus fuck, didn't I learn my lesson last time?

I'm going to talk about this with my therapist in our next session. I don't know how to disengage feelings like this (and, to be fair, it's still a little crush, not a big one), and I'm really scared of ever falling for someone that dysfunctional again.

Working on it. We're going to get through this. I need someone who's got their shit together who's going to be super nice to me. But I also just need to admit that this is happening. I think it helps.

Besides that, everything is looking up. I'm going to be adult very soon goddamnit.

So close. So, so close.