POW Senior Editor Cerasi Helps Men Out With Their Nerdy Online Dating Profiles

We've never set up a hierarchy, but I'm pretty sure I'm the Senior Editor, Allya is the Word Master General, Ada is the Sexy Commander of Sentences and Hyperlinks, and Cylon is the Ultra Super Mega Editor in Charge of Special (And Non Special) Projects. Fight it out amongst yourselves.

Anyway, I spent some time today on a very special website called Geek 2 Geek that hooks up lonely nerds with other lonely nerds because, well, I'm a lonely nerd. Did you know that even if you don't have an account on Geek 2 Geek you can look at the profiles of men in your area and age range just by entering your zipcode? LIKE A TOTAL CREEPER! Well, you do now.

Whether or not I use this service to do anything other than creep remains to be seen (thinking about it), but I certainly saw enough profiles to know that nerdy men aren't always good at painting themselves in a positive light.

Fear not, gentle nerds. A POW-certified editor is here to help find and fix the problems with your online profile for the betterment of all nerd kind. I present to you, the Do's and Don'ts of Nerdy Online Dating.

Do's

1. Pick a Nice Photo- I cannot stress this enough. I know that I have an unfair advantage in this area since my mother, who is fantastic photographer, has been surreptitiously taking photos of me and my siblings my entire life like some kind of family paparazzi. Still, try to get a nice, not blurry shot of your face. I know that some of you only have a webcam to work with, but is your webcam set on "Getting Executed"? Please, smile. It will make a world of difference. Also, please don't throw up gang signs or strike ironic poses. It makes you look like a tool.
Pro Tip: I'm more likely to click on a nice photo of someone who's goofy looking but smiling than someone who's attractive but cocking one eyebrow . . . or just has a photo of their abs. Period. No face involved. I'm serious. That happened.
2. Have a Photo At All- Seriously, man. I know it's hard to put yourself out there, but when I see no photo I start considering the possibility that you're a serial killer.
3. Fill Out Everything You Can- This doesn't mean I want you to attach a copy of your unpublished manuscript (I know you have one, don't pretend), but some of you didn't even fill about the description box at the bottom. It's nice to know you're super into Team Fortress 2 and Halo, but I don't know what you're like unless you say something about yourself. Anything. At all.
4. Have a Name That Makes You Sounds Not Stupid/Slightly Mature- Okay, this one I have a little more sympathy for because I have no idea what I would name myself. Cute Gamer Girl? Sexy, Sexy Girl Who Plays Video Games? If You're Nice We Might Do It? It's hard, I get it, but please try to be as sincere and non-sarcastic as possible. We're all trying to feel each other out here. Help a girl out.
5. Pay Attention to Grammar- Please. For the love of god. Use periods, commas, and capitalization all at the same time. They're brothers. They were made to be together.

Don'ts

1. Say That You're a Nice Guy- Actually, if you have the urge you should just go ahead and do that because you're someone I'd like to stay away from. People that call themselves "nice guys" are NOT nice guys. If you need to say it, I'm not buying it. I'm sorry that you got your heart crapped on by some girl, but the fact that you open with how nice you are and how everyone mistreats you makes me feel like you're on the offensive already. Which brings us to our next point. Don't-
2. Attack the Person Reading Your Profile- Stop telling me to be "fucking real." I'm real enough. You're trying to attract people, not make them feel like they got cornered by a friend of a friend at a bar. How does that old saying go? "You attract more flies with honey than by telling them they suck." That's it. I'm pretty sure.
Pro Tip 1: One person committed a double whammy by saying he was a nice guy and that I should be nice in return and not "like [his] ex-girl friend." Whoa there buddy. I'm not the one who broke up with you at your five-year-old cousin's birthday in the middle of an Arby's. Why don't you give me the benefit of the doubt?
Pro Tip 2: People that don't have a nice picture should be extra careful to follow this rule. One guy (who wasn't super cute, but was acceptable looking enough) had an unflattering picture of himself not smiling . . . and then said he didn't want stupid, shallow girls who only cared about looks. Erg. Unappealing barely begins to cover it.
3. Have Another Person in Your Profile Pic- Someone posted a picture of two guys hugging. Which one is you? Also, if there's a girl in your picture, who's that bitch and why is she zoning in on my man! (Sorry, that was a case of my issues coming out and had nothing to do with you. Proceed.)

That concludes Cerasi's tips for making a presentable online profile. Above all, you gotta be you, man. I mean, you with a nice picture and spell-checked prose, but you none the less.

This might seem like I'm being cruel to the poor souls of online dating (that I could very well be joining soon), but I'm really trying to help. A few of them seemed like really nice, nerdy guys who were just being honest and putting themselves out there hoping to find a little love. Nothing is more attractive than that.

Nice, nerdy guys. In my area. That I could meet if I e-mail them. Hmmm. I might have to do a little more than creep. We shall see.