When You're Grown Up

What do you want to be
     when you grow up?

I never had the same answer
     not even through high school
I wanted to be lots of things
     veterinarian
     actress
     architect

my answer changed through college
     publisher
     marketing executive
     copywriter

now people ask a different question
     not what do you want to do
          but what are you doing

the current answers are unsatisfying
     intern
     temp
     job seeker

the conversation has turned from
     future
     to present
         
          (when did that happen)

and it creeps up everywhere
     at grandma's with family
     at bars with friends

     while walking the dog

beyond the looks of sympathy 

     for my lack of 

     real employment

     for enduring 2 internships

     for have little but experience 

     to show for it

past the snide remarks
     that I should have gone to
     the state school if
     I wanted a job here
     if that was my end game
          (it wasn't

           it still isn't)

after the question of where
     and what major

Sometimes

it comes up

what I really want to do
what I'm really going to do
what, really, I am doing

and usually
it goes like this
     well that's cool
     a best-seller, huh
     the next great American novel
     neat
   
     so you want to write stories

     I emit a sound like a laugh
     as I squirm internally
     - Yeah, I  do -
     like it's a joke or
     a too far-off dream
     like it's not a reality

but today
       today was different
      while taking the dog for a walk

      today an 8 year old
                who is going to be an NHL
                hockey player
                     when he grows up
     today the boy asks

so what are you going to be
     when you grow up?

my heart catches
     as I tell him
     the real answer

oh, he says in understanding,
     like an author?

yes

like Mark Twain?

     I smile
exactly.

A Pick-Me-Up

I love Stephen King, and this will make you love him more or fall in love with him:

"Harry Potter is all about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend." - Stephen King, on young adult literature

Phone Ettiquette

As you guys know, I work 7 days/70-80 hours a week on a political campaign which means I have no life and cannot tell you which one I am working on =)

Update: People are fucking rude to me on the phone. It is fine if you have differences of opinions with me on the issue, but:

1. Do not hang up on me in the middle of a sentence. We may have a difference of opinion, but be cordial buttface.

2. Call me a 'little bitch' or 'I'm a bad person'

3. Yell at me about your own problems

4. Tell me you cannot volunteer, because of bs reasons like I'm too busy or I work 40 hours a week. You are lazy, liars. I used to work 40 hours a week and you have the weekend. Laziness especially when the cause affects you directly. Asses.

5. I am not a telemarketer. I am cold calling which is hard enough.

6. Stop reminding me this economy is terrible and you cannot afford to donate. Nice $1.99 ringback tone, btw.

7. I work 9-9. I will not call you back nor should you call me before or past 9.

8. Stop texting me back to ask me who I am. Thats a dick move.

9. Stop fucking calling me back. I don't know you!!!

10. From now on, I am going to be less rude on the phone.

Sincerely,

Cylon

Temp Job

Hey lovelies,

I got a temp job that has the possibility of going permanent.  I start a week from Monday.

It's at a logistics company that coordinates freight for big companies.  I will be in the implementation dept. doing some excel, clerical and data stuff.  However, it could lead to writing procedures for the freight projects they work on.  I will also coordinate with the internal sales and marketing staff.

So it sounds like a good opportunity at a good company!  I'll let you know how it goes.

American Gods

(Or, why I also want to meet and befriend Neil Gaiman.)

Released from prison, Shadow finds his world turned upside down. His wife has been killed; a mysterious stranger offers him a job. But Mr. Wednesday, who knows more about Shadow than is possible, warns that a storm is coming -- a battle for the very soul of America . . . and they are in its direct path.


Some books come into our lives at the exact right moment.  I am in the middle of transition within my life, and I think our country is as well.  American Gods by Neil Gaiman is an intelligent and fascinating look into the landscape of America.  


It begins with a caveat and warning for travelers, saying that the places and geography used within the book can be found.  And "it goes without saying that all of the people living, dead or otherwise in this story are fictional or used in a fictional context.  Only the gods are real."


In the melting pot that is America, this book delves into what happens to the gods that all of the immigrants to this land have brought with them.  Gaiman obviously did tons of research into the waves of people that have come to America, from the 18th century to 14,000 BC and many points between.  And within the larger narrative arc of the book, he adds in slices of those tales and who their gods are.  


The gods of America are in a battle for the hearts and minds of Americans.  And the old gods  -a leprechaun, an African spider god, Odin, Loki, and others I had never heard of- are losing the battle to the newer gods of technology, TV, and other stuff.  Shadow, the main character is thrust into this battle and mucks his way through helping his new employer, Mr. Wednesday, and figuring out what this battle is all about.  


Gaiman's use of suspense is admirable.  It's a thick book at 588 pages and it took me a while to get through it, but his craft in storytelling is evident on each page.  His prose is lyrical, smart and sometimes funny.  


While I was reading, it brought up a lot of personal faith questions.  There's a story in the Bible which says where your treasure is, there also you will be.  And you should store your treasure in heaven (i.e. believe in Jesus), in order to go to heaven in the afterlife.  Personifying technology as a god really brought home this idea for me.  I've heard homilies (the sermon the priest gives after the Gospel, which is the selection of the Bible read to us about Jesus) a number of times about how we should not make money or stuff our 'gods' or think of them as more important than God and Jesus.  But from the book I thought how technology, and science, could also become like a 'god'.  Do we really worship our computers and iPads?  Do I?  


There's a creepy moment when Shadow is visited by the TV god.  I won't ruin it by giving away too many details, but she comments on how she is 'worshipped' by people who give her time. Again, do I worship TV because I watch too damn much of it?


Anyway, I highly recommend this novel.  It's a fabulous read and will make you think about who our/your gods are.  

Beating a Dead Horse

Okay, this isn't actually about beating anything, much less a dead horse.  I meant to post these in February, but close enough.  These poems are ones that I've written about K, a person who I have mentioned on here before, and it feels like I keep beating a dead horse by talking about it.  But it's been bothering me, so here they are:  

10/29

Ships pass in the night
   
       Now, we seem to only pass
       in the dark, unseeing

Ships graze but keep moving

       We don't stop anymore or
        at least
        you don't, to say hi or
        make eye contact

Ships almost collide

       We've had so many near misses
       so many almost-conversations
       we only almost connect, now

Ships creak

      I try to signal, to initiate
      to flag you down

Ships glide

       But you keep going
       without noticing my attempts

Ships pass in the night

       And I wonder why
       we've become ships
       passing in the night


11/23

                                            Cleanse

I wash
            my fingers
now
of this sticky
                      mess
of this
            stale
                    mate
now that you
are so
           stale
                   now
I rinse
            my mind
as far
           as I
                  can reach
even though
it's not
            all
                  gone
it will never
                     really
be gone
I detox
              my diet
of texting
                   and trying
and waiting

I clean
             you
                     from
my life


2/13

Valentines is on the brain
hearts and lovers and mushy crap

Never had a Valentine on Valentines
but whatever

I didn't need one this Valentine
I'm fine right now - or so I thought

You left your house as I arrived
a simple thing - a chance encounter

And I felt a tear deep inside
that fictional heart - that cracks in the center

You were here, you haven't completely
moved away - you see your dad

You are 50 feet away
as you back your navy Civic down the drive

A rush of feeling, instead of blood,
comes pouring from my center

As you drive away