when you grow up?
I never had the same answer
not even through high school
I wanted to be lots of things
veterinarian
actress
architect
my answer changed through college
publisher
marketing executive
copywriter
now people ask a different question
not what do you want to do
but what are you doing
the current answers are unsatisfying
intern
temp
job seeker
the conversation has turned from
future
to present
(when did that happen)
and it creeps up everywhere
at grandma's with family
at bars with friends
while walking the dog
beyond the looks of sympathy
for my lack of
real employment
for enduring 2 internships
for have little but experience
to show for itpast the snide remarks
that I should have gone to
the state school if
I wanted a job here
if that was my end game
(it wasn't
it still isn't)
after the question of where
and what major
Sometimes
it comes up
what I really want to do
what I'm really going to do
what, really, I am doing
and usually
it goes like this
well that's cool
a best-seller, huh
the next great American novel
neat
so you want to write stories
I emit a sound like a laugh
as I squirm internally
- Yeah, I do -
like it's a joke or
a too far-off dream
like it's not a reality
but today
today was different
while taking the dog for a walk
today an 8 year old
who is going to be an NHL
hockey player
when he grows up
today the boy asks
so what are you going to be
when you grow up?
my heart catches
as I tell him
the real answer
oh, he says in understanding,
like an author?
yes
like Mark Twain?
I smile
exactly.
