Promise

There is so much held in promise

          You are promised
          You show promise
          You must promise
          You have promised

I hold promise

But the promise that concerns is the one made me

The one
       never formal
                 but there
                       repeated and
                                     insinuated and
   
                                                      gone

        never realized

I was told
If I just

          buckle down
          study hard
          achieve more
          do well
          finish assignments
          get As
          get degrees

It would be there

          Future
          Success
          Security
          Career
          Job

It would be there

I was told

I was promised

When You're Grown Up

What do you want to be
     when you grow up?

I never had the same answer
     not even through high school
I wanted to be lots of things
     veterinarian
     actress
     architect

my answer changed through college
     publisher
     marketing executive
     copywriter

now people ask a different question
     not what do you want to do
          but what are you doing

the current answers are unsatisfying
     intern
     temp
     job seeker

the conversation has turned from
     future
     to present
         
          (when did that happen)

and it creeps up everywhere
     at grandma's with family
     at bars with friends

     while walking the dog

beyond the looks of sympathy 

     for my lack of 

     real employment

     for enduring 2 internships

     for have little but experience 

     to show for it

past the snide remarks
     that I should have gone to
     the state school if
     I wanted a job here
     if that was my end game
          (it wasn't

           it still isn't)

after the question of where
     and what major

Sometimes

it comes up

what I really want to do
what I'm really going to do
what, really, I am doing

and usually
it goes like this
     well that's cool
     a best-seller, huh
     the next great American novel
     neat
   
     so you want to write stories

     I emit a sound like a laugh
     as I squirm internally
     - Yeah, I  do -
     like it's a joke or
     a too far-off dream
     like it's not a reality

but today
       today was different
      while taking the dog for a walk

      today an 8 year old
                who is going to be an NHL
                hockey player
                     when he grows up
     today the boy asks

so what are you going to be
     when you grow up?

my heart catches
     as I tell him
     the real answer

oh, he says in understanding,
     like an author?

yes

like Mark Twain?

     I smile
exactly.