Mostly I've been on food prep. I bring up food from the basement and stock it and cut tomatoes and stuff like that. There's a lot more food involved than I imagined there being. I forgot that the cafe does sandwiches and stuff like that.
Everyone's been really nice. I started with this girl and we worked together all weekend. She's pretty funny and nice. We're kind of sassy with each other.
I haven't so much as touched the cappuccino maker. Oh no, no. It'll probably be like a month before I actually learn how to make coffee. I've made a few sandwiches so far, but that's about it.
Today we had a staff meeting at 9am. I wasn't super thrilled about this because I worked 5:30-close last night (mind you, after working at my internship from 1:00-5:00) and I didn't sleep well. I ended up playing Portal 2 at two in the morning and letting our bunnies run around the office.
Anyway, I was late to the meeting kind of on purpose because I hate showing up early when I'm new because I always feel so awkward. The meeting turned out to be discussing "timeliness" which is more than a little hilarious. Everyone was really nice. They were all staring at me and they all introduced themselves kind of for my benefit. Honestly, it was a little disconcerting and I wasn't really sure why.
After thinking about it for a while, I realized something a little shocking about this job. My job at this cafe is probably the most nurturing job I've ever had in my entire life. I mean, my internship is good, but everyone at the cafe asks how I am and introduces themselves and wants to know things about me. The managers also talk about how they have meetings every so often with people to figured out how their employees can grow and what the next stage is in there. I mean, Jesus, I have never been at a job where the staff cared half that much about me.
And I think the reason that this bothers me a little bit is because I know this job isn't going to last. Everyone there really cares about the community and loves the city and I just feel like such an outsider.
This city isn't my home. I have no attachment to this place. Really, the only place I've had any loyalty to in recent years was the UI and I knew that was going to end. All of my other jobs, the cafeteria, the temping, even the terrible, terrible newspaper I worked for were all temporary by definition.
As I was driving home from the meeting, I started to cry. I wish I could tell the people at my job at the cafe not to bother getting to know me. In a year I'll probably be gone, god only knows where. This is just another group of people that I'm trying to make a good impression on in a short amount of time. When I'm gone they'll just be another line on my resume.
Is there something deficient in me that makes me want to leave all the time? I'm so tired of being in transition. My jobs, my house, hell even my ex-boyfriend were all transitional by nature. Sometimes I feel like George from Six Feet Under. (Cylon and Allya will know who that is Ada, sorry not so much.) I'm not a joiner. I just keeping leaving everywhere.
The only place I've really felt like home in the past four years was that craptastic apartment I lived in with the terrible bathroom. That and Ada and Allya's place where we would drink wine and complain about Stephanie Meyer.
I want a place to call home again, but it seems impossible right now. It seems so desperately far away. But I don't want to call this city home. It's a nice place but it's just not home.
But I guess that's just the price of being this age. I know that everything will be better soon. Two years, for real. I'm thinking everything will be a little better and two years. Besides, maybe this job doesn't have to be that temporary. I think I could make some friends, get a little attached to this place in the very least.
And no matter how much things change, I know I have you guys, which helps. You are not transitional friends. You guys are in it for the long haul. Unlike certain long-haired, Megadeth-loving douches I could mention.
I love you all. I'll try to post something more creative (/less depressing) soon. <3
