This isn't really a review at all. I apologize to Ada and Allya who have been out of the loop for the past couple of days, but a friend at work (we'll call her L) set me up with a friend of her boyfriend (we'll call the guy C. Not L's boyfriend, the guy I went on a date with).
L had us all go to a bar together, all of us here meaning L, her boyfriend, C, and some other guy who had the same name. I hit it off with C. He was nice, we talked about Avengers, Batman, and his favorite show is Supernatural which is amazing.
After the night was over C walked me to my car and said, "So I should probably get your number, huh?" To which I replied, "Real smooth" is kind of a sarcastic but flirtatious way. We exchanged numbers and I said he should text me and we should meet up. This was before father's day which I was spending working + with my dad, so I said we could hang out another time.
And then he texted me. The next day at 2pm. Cue me freaking out.
We finally decided to see a movie together on Monday. We were going to see Snow White and the Huntsman (which apparently he genuinely wanted to see) and go to dinner first. Cue me freaking out more.
Why was I freaking out you ask? Let's go over.
1. I didn't know this guy.
2. Formal dating makes me EXTREMELY nervous (show B-roll of me freaking out and breaking up with my ex at prom in high school).
3. I've got some pretty serious fears of commitment left over from The Man Boy Of Which We Do Not Speak.
4. C is 32 years old.
Yeah, that last one I was NOT aware of when I went to the bar. I was under the mistaken impression he was 25, which I was okay with. *sigh*
Anyway, we got dinner at this really casual pork sandwich place. I relaxed because once neither of us were drunk he was REALLY shy. There were a lot of awkward pauses in the conversation, but you know, first date. We finished. He paid. I said thank you and offered to pay for the movies.
We went to the theater and we were early, so we walked around a bit and eventually sat down and had another round of awkward conversation. Then after a bit, I finally came out and told him, "Look, I haven't done this is in a while and I'm really nervous." He said, "What are you nervous about?" And I said, "This is a date, right? I assume so, you paid for dinner." Then he said that I shouldn't be nervous and going out to eat and going to a movie is the kind of stuff he would do with friends. I thought it was nice. We were on the same page.
Then he put his hand on my knee in the theater.
I mean, it's not like he tried to grope me or anything. I moved my leg away and he asked if I felt uncomfortable with that. I said I did. It wasn't a big thing. But then I spent the rest of the movie freaking out and getting kind of mad at him.
Where do we go from "I'm really nervous about this" and "don't worry because I would do this to my friends" to "my hand is on your knee." AHHH! What the fuck? How much clearer do I have to be?
After the movie it was kind of awkward. We walked to our cars and he asked if I wanted to do anything next. I said I wasn't sure. Then I came out and told him, "I need to be really comfortable before I get physical with people at all." He said that that was okay and he didn't expect anything. We went to get ice cream. Then before we got ice cream I pulled him aside again (because things were still awkward) and told him that I was kind of freaking out because I really hadn't dated anyone in a while. He said that it was fine and that I just needed to let him know.
We had ice cream (he paid), we talked a little more, a few more awkward pauses, we ended the date there with some kind of loose discussion about our schedules for next week and I told him to text me when he was in town. (He's not sometimes because of his job.)
I left the date feeling so nervous and kind of mad at myself, but also not. It's entirely possible that he thinks I'm crazy or high maintenance and he's never going to call me again. But I don't think I was acting crazy. I really don't. I hate that my feelings come out like that, but I think it's something that's completely fair to tell someone. I don't like to fuck around when it comes to relationships. I want to be honest with people.
The thing I hate the most is that I was so nervous the whole time it was really hard to tell if I even liked this guy or not. There was just too much going on in my head. I know that it was a first date and we were both awkward, but just because he kind of acknowledged my fears about dating and said that it was okay didn't mean he made me feel better.
I talked to Cylon last night and she told me not to see this guy again, that it was clear he wasn't good for me. I don't know what I want. I'm not one hundred percent sure if my problems on this date were due to my own intimacy issues or due to the fact that he wasn't right for me, but does it matter? Shouldn't the right person make you feel comfortable? Shouldn't there be a part in the date where the awkward pauses subside and you find a natural rhythm in the conversation?
Ugh. So that's my story.
Also, Snow White and the Huntsman was kind of pretty, but the story wasn't that great. I'm beginning to suspect Kristen Stewart is a dumb human being.
Lol, she probably is a dumb human being. I mean if her 'acting' is anything to go by.
ReplyDeleteAs for the date, SKYPE NOW??
Honestly, I think you handled everything maturely. Put everything on the table first. Things will always change, but the here and now, you should let him know where you're standing. Especially with the age difference, he might be at a completely different stage of dating than you are.
ReplyDeleteAs for what you want, sometimes you have to date a little longer to really figure it out. It took me three goddamn months to figure out that the person I want should be respectful, responsible, relatively good in bed, humble (arrogance is such a goddamn turn-off), relatively romantic once in a while. I don't even care if we're in a relationship or not, but there should be some exclusivity and understanding there. Anyway, my point being, are you looking for a relationship or just to figure out what you want? I think going on a second date wouldn't hurt, just to dispel the 'first date, first impression'. Sometimes it works, others it doesn't. My first date with S felt a little awkward and ended with a huffy little boy walking away. The second date was much better. It really all just depends.
ANYWHO. Let's talk about this properly soon. Let me know when you wanna chat. :)
As for Kristen Stewart. Heard she curses like a 19-year-old British boy with no sense of propriety, responsibility, decency, or morale. So yes, I do believe she's not a quick-witted human being. She just got fucking lucky.
@Allya- Kristen honey, you need to look sad here! Mouth down sweetie, mouth down! And then we did Skype!
ReplyDelete@Ada- We should talk about this properly soon. I wouldn't mind seeing him again in a much less romantic setting now that I've pretty much done everything but write him a note that says "Please don't touch my boobs yet. Kthnx." Dates are awkward. I hate them. They bring out the most awkward neurotic part of me.
Kristen Stewart is kind of pretty. That's it. That's completely it. They dyed her hair black in Snow White. That's about the extent her "character" goes.