This isn't really a review at all. I apologize to Ada and Allya who have been out of the loop for the past couple of days, but a friend at work (we'll call her L) set me up with a friend of her boyfriend (we'll call the guy C. Not L's boyfriend, the guy I went on a date with).
L had us all go to a bar together, all of us here meaning L, her boyfriend, C, and some other guy who had the same name. I hit it off with C. He was nice, we talked about Avengers, Batman, and his favorite show is Supernatural which is amazing.
After the night was over C walked me to my car and said, "So I should probably get your number, huh?" To which I replied, "Real smooth" is kind of a sarcastic but flirtatious way. We exchanged numbers and I said he should text me and we should meet up. This was before father's day which I was spending working + with my dad, so I said we could hang out another time.
And then he texted me. The next day at 2pm. Cue me freaking out.
We finally decided to see a movie together on Monday. We were going to see Snow White and the Huntsman (which apparently he genuinely wanted to see) and go to dinner first. Cue me freaking out more.
Why was I freaking out you ask? Let's go over.
1. I didn't know this guy.
2. Formal dating makes me EXTREMELY nervous (show B-roll of me freaking out and breaking up with my ex at prom in high school).
3. I've got some pretty serious fears of commitment left over from The Man Boy Of Which We Do Not Speak.
4. C is 32 years old.
Yeah, that last one I was NOT aware of when I went to the bar. I was under the mistaken impression he was 25, which I was okay with. *sigh*
Anyway, we got dinner at this really casual pork sandwich place. I relaxed because once neither of us were drunk he was REALLY shy. There were a lot of awkward pauses in the conversation, but you know, first date. We finished. He paid. I said thank you and offered to pay for the movies.
We went to the theater and we were early, so we walked around a bit and eventually sat down and had another round of awkward conversation. Then after a bit, I finally came out and told him, "Look, I haven't done this is in a while and I'm really nervous." He said, "What are you nervous about?" And I said, "This is a date, right? I assume so, you paid for dinner." Then he said that I shouldn't be nervous and going out to eat and going to a movie is the kind of stuff he would do with friends. I thought it was nice. We were on the same page.
Then he put his hand on my knee in the theater.
I mean, it's not like he tried to grope me or anything. I moved my leg away and he asked if I felt uncomfortable with that. I said I did. It wasn't a big thing. But then I spent the rest of the movie freaking out and getting kind of mad at him.
Where do we go from "I'm really nervous about this" and "don't worry because I would do this to my friends" to "my hand is on your knee." AHHH! What the fuck? How much clearer do I have to be?
After the movie it was kind of awkward. We walked to our cars and he asked if I wanted to do anything next. I said I wasn't sure. Then I came out and told him, "I need to be really comfortable before I get physical with people at all." He said that that was okay and he didn't expect anything. We went to get ice cream. Then before we got ice cream I pulled him aside again (because things were still awkward) and told him that I was kind of freaking out because I really hadn't dated anyone in a while. He said that it was fine and that I just needed to let him know.
We had ice cream (he paid), we talked a little more, a few more awkward pauses, we ended the date there with some kind of loose discussion about our schedules for next week and I told him to text me when he was in town. (He's not sometimes because of his job.)
I left the date feeling so nervous and kind of mad at myself, but also not. It's entirely possible that he thinks I'm crazy or high maintenance and he's never going to call me again. But I don't think I was acting crazy. I really don't. I hate that my feelings come out like that, but I think it's something that's completely fair to tell someone. I don't like to fuck around when it comes to relationships. I want to be honest with people.
The thing I hate the most is that I was so nervous the whole time it was really hard to tell if I even liked this guy or not. There was just too much going on in my head. I know that it was a first date and we were both awkward, but just because he kind of acknowledged my fears about dating and said that it was okay didn't mean he made me feel better.
I talked to Cylon last night and she told me not to see this guy again, that it was clear he wasn't good for me. I don't know what I want. I'm not one hundred percent sure if my problems on this date were due to my own intimacy issues or due to the fact that he wasn't right for me, but does it matter? Shouldn't the right person make you feel comfortable? Shouldn't there be a part in the date where the awkward pauses subside and you find a natural rhythm in the conversation?
Ugh. So that's my story.
Also, Snow White and the Huntsman was kind of pretty, but the story wasn't that great. I'm beginning to suspect Kristen Stewart is a dumb human being.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Book Reviews
I mentioned quite a while ago that I would write reviews for the two books I recently read. ANd then I forgot. And then I would remember as I read another book before bed. But I don't want to write reviews then. So finally, here are the promised reviews. In a slightly more condensed version now that it's been months to weeks since I've finished them.
The Night Circus
by Erin Morgenstern
I had high hopes for this one. I got it as a gift for Christmas and read it a couple months later. It's about two magicians' apprentices battling in the late 1800- early 1900s while they work in a circus that is only open at night. Awesome premise right?
The first half is very good. The descriptions of the circus are fantastic, flowery confections. The characters are interesting as they interact, since only one of the two battling apprentices (Celia and Marco) knows who his adversary is.
The book cover promises a love affair between Celia and Marco which does not get underway until probably 3/4 of the way through the book. Since I was waiting since page one, I found this annoying.
Also, the nature of the battle is not as climactic or straightforward as I was expecting. They are just supposed to create better, more intricate, more difficult tents within the circus. (For example, one is the cloud tent, where it appears that you are walking through clouds as you wind your way up the tent.) And then when the weaker apprentice cannot handle the strain of managing so many tents, it's over. Because that one dies. There's not really any dueling or anything fun like that.
Also, about 2/3 through the book some random character from the future (not our future, just the future of the book, like 1900 as opposed to 1887 or whatever). Then this character, Bailey, winds his way into the main narrative and
(SPOILER ALERT)
ends up saving the circus or whatever. I'm still not clear on how that worked, since he didn't start out magical. But whatever.
(end of SPOILER ALERT)
There was a distinct problem with pacing too. I don't know if it was because each chapter is preceded by the date it takes place and this spans a number of decades. Things take a long time to get rolling (number of years as well as pages). Or if the stately and descriptive cadence set by the first half of the book doesn't match up with the quicker pace of the end. I felt like a lot was crammed into the end of this book, and not everything seemed as well-explained or built up to as it should have been. It's kind of hard to explain this one, but I hope you got it.
Lastly, the characters of Celia and Marco still didn't seem fleshed out enough. They fall in love too quickly. Or kind of randomly? I don't know, I felt their relationship wasn't built up enough when it finally happened. And Marco is a little flat for being a main character. He just doesn't do much, and how he becomes a magician's apprentice is weird. But what's weirder is that he doesn't think getting picked up out of a boarding school by this random guy and then left alone in his own room and then apartment is very strange. I think part of the problem might have been that Marco's thoughts were not known enough by the reader.
I was kind of expecting a lot out of this book and it let me down. As awesome as the premise is and how lovely the descriptions are, there are some pacing, character and plot issues. Not to mention the obnoxiously placed email address at the very end of the book. The events that transpired were meant to take place over a century ago, and you finish with an email? Let me explain, throughout the book there are page-long descriptive scenes that let you "walk through the circus". They are in 2nd person and the book closes with one of these scenes. Where you get a business card for the owner of the circus. With his damn email on the back. Am I supposed to email this yatz? Are you kidding me, Erin Morgenstern? But anyway, the last quarter of the book really fell flat to me, and that is why I'm left wanting a visit to a better circus.
Heidegger's Glasses
by Thaisa Frank
Did you know the Nazis were incredibly suspicious? So suspicious and fascinated by the occult that they thought that letters sent to the dead should be answered so that the ghosts would be satisfied and wouldn't bother psychics and mediums for answers, inadvertently revealing the Final Solution? This is the premise of Heidegger's Glasses.
It's a work of fiction, but it describes some of the horrors of the Holocaust from a strange perspective: Jewish letter writers in an underground complex that were saved from being sent to Auschwitz by their abilities to speak various languages. One of my favorite parts of the book that is also quite chilling is when we learn how each of the scribes came to be in the compound, what language they spoke, shouted or whispered that saved them from being sent to a concentration camp.
Between each chapter is a letter. The original language above with an English translation below it. They are from people in the concentration camps. Some are obviously written under coercion from a Nazi, since they say how great it is where they are and that the person they are writing to should come meet them. Understandably, the scribes in the compound don't answer very many letters a day, since just reading them is difficult.
Elie, the main character, works in the compound for the Germans while secretly sneaking as many people across the border and getting as much food and supplies that she can for the compound. She is in love with Lodenstein, the German soldier assigned to the compound who sympathizes with the Jews and throughout the course of the story does his share of rescuing.
The characters are compelling and are clearly pushed to their limits as they deal with uncompromising circumstances of life and death as WWII come to a close.
One problem I had was the wrapping up of the ending. Elie and Lodenstien are separated as the war ends. The reader read about them looking for each other then we switch gears and follow around the child of two of the inhabitants of the compound. Wait a minute. What the hell happens between them?
(SPOILER ALERT)
I think I know the answer, they never see each other again. Elie and Lodenstein are forced to live out their days terribly alone and unhappy. So much for surviving the goddamn war. But really? I have to infer this?
(end SPOILER ALERT)
I didn't like how book was ended with the thoughts of a character we just met a few pages ago. Otherwise, it was a solid novel, though like all Holocaust-centered stories, quite sad.
The Night Circus
by Erin Morgenstern
The first half is very good. The descriptions of the circus are fantastic, flowery confections. The characters are interesting as they interact, since only one of the two battling apprentices (Celia and Marco) knows who his adversary is.
The book cover promises a love affair between Celia and Marco which does not get underway until probably 3/4 of the way through the book. Since I was waiting since page one, I found this annoying.
Also, the nature of the battle is not as climactic or straightforward as I was expecting. They are just supposed to create better, more intricate, more difficult tents within the circus. (For example, one is the cloud tent, where it appears that you are walking through clouds as you wind your way up the tent.) And then when the weaker apprentice cannot handle the strain of managing so many tents, it's over. Because that one dies. There's not really any dueling or anything fun like that.
Also, about 2/3 through the book some random character from the future (not our future, just the future of the book, like 1900 as opposed to 1887 or whatever). Then this character, Bailey, winds his way into the main narrative and
(SPOILER ALERT)
ends up saving the circus or whatever. I'm still not clear on how that worked, since he didn't start out magical. But whatever.
(end of SPOILER ALERT)
There was a distinct problem with pacing too. I don't know if it was because each chapter is preceded by the date it takes place and this spans a number of decades. Things take a long time to get rolling (number of years as well as pages). Or if the stately and descriptive cadence set by the first half of the book doesn't match up with the quicker pace of the end. I felt like a lot was crammed into the end of this book, and not everything seemed as well-explained or built up to as it should have been. It's kind of hard to explain this one, but I hope you got it.
Lastly, the characters of Celia and Marco still didn't seem fleshed out enough. They fall in love too quickly. Or kind of randomly? I don't know, I felt their relationship wasn't built up enough when it finally happened. And Marco is a little flat for being a main character. He just doesn't do much, and how he becomes a magician's apprentice is weird. But what's weirder is that he doesn't think getting picked up out of a boarding school by this random guy and then left alone in his own room and then apartment is very strange. I think part of the problem might have been that Marco's thoughts were not known enough by the reader.
I was kind of expecting a lot out of this book and it let me down. As awesome as the premise is and how lovely the descriptions are, there are some pacing, character and plot issues. Not to mention the obnoxiously placed email address at the very end of the book. The events that transpired were meant to take place over a century ago, and you finish with an email? Let me explain, throughout the book there are page-long descriptive scenes that let you "walk through the circus". They are in 2nd person and the book closes with one of these scenes. Where you get a business card for the owner of the circus. With his damn email on the back. Am I supposed to email this yatz? Are you kidding me, Erin Morgenstern? But anyway, the last quarter of the book really fell flat to me, and that is why I'm left wanting a visit to a better circus.
Heidegger's Glasses
by Thaisa Frank
Did you know the Nazis were incredibly suspicious? So suspicious and fascinated by the occult that they thought that letters sent to the dead should be answered so that the ghosts would be satisfied and wouldn't bother psychics and mediums for answers, inadvertently revealing the Final Solution? This is the premise of Heidegger's Glasses.
It's a work of fiction, but it describes some of the horrors of the Holocaust from a strange perspective: Jewish letter writers in an underground complex that were saved from being sent to Auschwitz by their abilities to speak various languages. One of my favorite parts of the book that is also quite chilling is when we learn how each of the scribes came to be in the compound, what language they spoke, shouted or whispered that saved them from being sent to a concentration camp.
Between each chapter is a letter. The original language above with an English translation below it. They are from people in the concentration camps. Some are obviously written under coercion from a Nazi, since they say how great it is where they are and that the person they are writing to should come meet them. Understandably, the scribes in the compound don't answer very many letters a day, since just reading them is difficult.
Elie, the main character, works in the compound for the Germans while secretly sneaking as many people across the border and getting as much food and supplies that she can for the compound. She is in love with Lodenstein, the German soldier assigned to the compound who sympathizes with the Jews and throughout the course of the story does his share of rescuing.
The characters are compelling and are clearly pushed to their limits as they deal with uncompromising circumstances of life and death as WWII come to a close.
One problem I had was the wrapping up of the ending. Elie and Lodenstien are separated as the war ends. The reader read about them looking for each other then we switch gears and follow around the child of two of the inhabitants of the compound. Wait a minute. What the hell happens between them?
(SPOILER ALERT)
I think I know the answer, they never see each other again. Elie and Lodenstein are forced to live out their days terribly alone and unhappy. So much for surviving the goddamn war. But really? I have to infer this?
(end SPOILER ALERT)
I didn't like how book was ended with the thoughts of a character we just met a few pages ago. Otherwise, it was a solid novel, though like all Holocaust-centered stories, quite sad.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Because I really don't do this ALL the time..
Okay, I do.
Here's a lovely British show I found. It's called Sherlock. Yes, about Sherlock Holmes. I didn't think I would like it (i.e. keep up with it) because its main characters are not drop dead sexy. (Seriously, I'm pretty sure most shows feature drop dead sexy people, so to find one that doesn't confused me. Ah, those silly Brits.) But it is a pretty excellent show. And their hot accents make up for not being drop dead sexy. But just so you don't get the wrong idea, Dr. Watson is adorable (I'm pretty sure he's Bilbo in The Hobbit set to come out this December. eeek!) and Sherlock is a fantastically witty asshole to just about everyone (so fun!).
Have Netflix? The first 3 episodes are on there. Idk where to find the rest as I haven't yet. (Haven't really looked yet, since I watched all of the ones on Netflix over the weekend and I do have a job during the week that tends to occupy most of my time...) But if I find a good link I'll post it.
Anyway, if you're looking for more TV to devour, leave it to me to find you something.
Tell me if you watch and if you like!
Here's a lovely British show I found. It's called Sherlock. Yes, about Sherlock Holmes. I didn't think I would like it (i.e. keep up with it) because its main characters are not drop dead sexy. (Seriously, I'm pretty sure most shows feature drop dead sexy people, so to find one that doesn't confused me. Ah, those silly Brits.) But it is a pretty excellent show. And their hot accents make up for not being drop dead sexy. But just so you don't get the wrong idea, Dr. Watson is adorable (I'm pretty sure he's Bilbo in The Hobbit set to come out this December. eeek!) and Sherlock is a fantastically witty asshole to just about everyone (so fun!).
Have Netflix? The first 3 episodes are on there. Idk where to find the rest as I haven't yet. (Haven't really looked yet, since I watched all of the ones on Netflix over the weekend and I do have a job during the week that tends to occupy most of my time...) But if I find a good link I'll post it.
Anyway, if you're looking for more TV to devour, leave it to me to find you something.
Tell me if you watch and if you like!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Some News
Hey guys. I have some personal news in the drafts section. I do want to mention, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner, I learned about this last week, but I wanted to wait until my extended family was informed. Anyway, if it was possible to tell you all in person I would, but since scheduling Skype is not easy, I figured the blog would be okay. And this isn't the easiest thing to say...
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